Friendship

It is so wonderful to have the friends we have in our lives. I am grateful for them, as we all should be.

We should all take conscious, intentional action to better ourselves. We all have a responsibility not only to heal ourselves if need be, but indeed to actively pursue an agenda or program of self-improvement on a daily basis. We are better off for it. Our lives improve. Our relationships with family and friends function with peace, love and happiness. All is good.

I recently read a quote by none other than Ms. Bonnie Raitt, musician and artist extrordinaire. Her remarks went something like this: Religion is for those who want to avoid going to hell. Spirituality, on the other hand, is for those of us who have already been there. How true Bonnie, thank you for sharing that insight into my life. Lol!

I know a little about self-improvement and recovery, and I am extremely grateful for that.
I am a bonafide expert on a life gone wrong, a life that for decades existed only with extreme dysfunction, chronic depression and dump truck loads full of neediness. A desparate, enduring torture.
On the inside.

Gratefully, I was unable to self-destruct in spite of the condition of my mind, my life.
Fortunately, in 2005 I commenced a program of recovery and self-improvement.
That program has raised and improved my life substantially.

Here is the situation. Decades ago I met a friend. On many levels, he is wonderful person.
Unfortunately he still exists at somewhat the same level of dysfunction. That same moral vacuum we both dwelt in when we met 30 years ago. I changed and with that change came clarity and vision and morality. My life became a life worth living. A very happy, responsible life. A total life makeover. And I'm cute too.
So even though I still like my friend, or at times still somewhat like him, the relationship takes a lot of work on my part for me to still accept a dysfunction that has become totally unacceptable in my own life.
I can maintain this for the most part. However it becomes extremely difficult for me to morally accept the dishonesty and other moral shortcomings that he still desparately and so needily clings to and embraces.

This is Canada. There is help for those who want it and are willing to work for it. I love Canada.

I sought and worked very hard for the help I needed and got. We all have a responsibility, a moral obligation to heal ourselves if we are able to. I am not here to pass judgement on those who do not agree with the foregoing principle.

I hope that he realises after my last communication to him about honesty, that his using the basis of our friendship to obtain goods and services valued at thousands of dollars from me, for his personal benefit could be an impediment to our continued friendship. This is the second time he has attempted this same, highly manipulative, technique. In the future his continued fishing for consideration will not bode well for our friendship.

So that is the item I write about today. It is fine that I was able to crawl out of the swamp of a life gone wrong. However I am tired of overlooking and excusing bad behaviour, the repeated attempts to take advantage.
The patience is wearing thin as I age. As I get older it is obvious how valuable my remaining time is.
I am no longer willing to waste time on someone who repeatedly refuses help and seems to enjoy and delight in his dysfunction.

I hope he takes the steps necessary to improve his life.

Good luck, dear friend. Stop crying for help. Stop punishing yourself. Get up and get on with it.

Signed,

 A friend.