A lot of people spend their lives doing what they think is required of them by "they".The technical labels that apply to this kind of self-defeating behaviour are not necessary or helpful so I will dispense with them.
One of the first habits or techniques that slowly brought this type of behaviour to a stop for me was something I stumbled upon. Almost immediately I could see that it was going to be very helpful in changing my behaviour on a consistent and persistent basis.
Here is the principle: Saying nothing is always an option.
That's it! Normally most of my reactivity was a verbal response or reaction. So by starting here I was able to learn how to "stop" automatic behaviour. Cradle behaviour. I was taught to be this way from day one. No shame, no blame.
The responsibility for "fixing", or changing this unwanted habit, is my responsibility only. I cannot depend on anything or anybody on the outside of me to do this job.
It is an inside job. Personal change, personal improvement is always an inside job. Help may be available outside of the person by way of support or knowledge, but the practical, tangible change occurs within the self-improver.
The confidence acquired by the success of practicing that self control technique led me to success with more significant behaviour control.
Expanding on the 'say nothing' option is the ability to stop myself and just wait. Breathe slowly and deeply. Do not even think, clear my head, think only of a red, octagonal, stop sign. That is the mental trigger, the helpful trigger, that allows me to practice the self control.